Whiney Little Bitch

According to Urban Dictionary, the definition for "whiney bitch" is as follows:

1. Whiney Bitch
    Someone who exemplifies rather large amounts of crybaby-bullshit in order to:
       1) get sympathy from the people around him/her.
       2) make them self feel like less of a dumbass

2. Whiney Bitch
    Somebody who whines all the time about nothing.

As accurrate as these definitions may be I think they're missing something, namely the portrait of billionaire investor Carl Icahn. In case you're not familiar with the situation, Cocksucker Icahn is basically pouting like a little baby because Yahoo! refuses to whore themselves out to Microsoft, who will most likely dump the company after they acquire them and lay off thousands of people. Think of it this way: little whiney baby Icahn goes to his friend's house, let's call him Jerry, and they play in the backyard with his friends' Tonka remore-controlled bulldozer. After he plays with it for a little while, Douchebag Icahn tells Jerry he'll give him $5 for the bulldozer, and his friend refuses because it's his favorite toy. Icahn, who is stunned, shits his diaper and beings to cry, which if you research Carl Icahn even just a little, seems to happen often. Jerry's parents hear the noise and come outside to see what's going on, and Jerry tells them that Icahn is trying to buy his favorite toy from him. His parents try talking to Icahn and calming him down, but it's too late, as Icahn has now developed diaper rash and is uber-pissed that Jerry has not sold him his Tonka bulldozer. He begins to scream and yell at Jerry and his parents, and storms home to his mommy, who he convinces to talk to Jerry's parents about allowing him to buy Jerry's bulldozer. Mrs. Icahn visits Jerry's parents and they rightfully tell her to piss off. At this point Baby Icahn is now furious with anger and continues shitting his pants, which in turn worsens his diaper rash. He decides to walk around his neighborhood going door-to-door to get everyone in the neighborhood to pressure his friend Jerry into selling him his remote-controlled bulldozer....

Am I the only person that sees a problem with this? Carl Icahn is a whiney little bitch, and is crying to the world because the CEO of Yahoo! Jerry Yang (and their board of directors) refuse to sell the search feature of their company to Microsoft. This greedy fuck owns only 5% of Yahoo! (in stock) and is looking to profit off the sale of Yahoo!. That's it, he doesn't own shit and it's not his company to sell. If you're not already completely convined that Carl Icahn is the biggest cockgobbler in North America, check out this quote on his website that is (suprisingly!) from himself: "A lot of people die fighting tyranny. The least I can do is vote against it." So...you fight yourself? Or do you vote against yourself? Wow, must be hard living with yourself you whiney dirtbag. YOU'RE ALREADY A BILLIONARE YOU FAGGOT, GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE AND STOP CRYING.

MS Paint is my bitch.

And before you get all uppity cuz I stuck a joint in Obama's hand know this: I didn't do this because I don't like Obama. In truth, I really don't care who wins the election, because again we, the American people, get to choose between a giant douche and a turd sandwich, and neither one of them is going to make any shard of a differnece in any of our daily lives. That'll do pig, that'll do.

I Don't Care

Why can't Paris Hilton just die already? Hey we're all thinking it, so I might as well start saying it. I'm pretty sure that's the only way we'll eventually stop hearing about her. I'd go on here in length about how she's a waste of life and she can go suck a dick, but I'd really feel bad for the dude in that position, since even being within a 20-foot radius of the Queen of Bratty Whores will probably give him a slew of yet undetected sexually transmitted diseases, in addition to the typical classics like herpes, syphilis, and/or gonorrhea. Is there anyone in this world that ISN'T sick of hearing about this asshole? Fuck, I'm forcefed Paris Hilton on a daily basis just by my goddamn homepage! (See Screenshot) I'm convinced that if there was a god out there, he/she/it would put a stop to all of this, and spare us from this annoying fuck.

I don't fucking care about Paris Hilton. I don't fucking care if she goes to jail. I don't fucking care if she gets arrested. I don't fucking care if she makes sex tapes. I don't fucking care if she gets in a car accident. I don't fucking care if she stops world hunger. I don't fucking care if she brings peace to Isreal. I don't fucking care if she learns to read. I don't fucking care if she cries because she's going to jail. I don't fucking care if she cures AIDS. I don't fucking care if she starts a successful standup carreer. I don't fucking care if she finds OJ's other glove. I DON'T FUCKING CARE.

Are there really people out there that DO care about what she does on a daily basis? Don't these people have ANYTHING better to do with their lives? I feel more fulfilled after taking a dump than I do after hearing about anything Paris Hilton related (humorous farts not even included). Beating redheaded stepchildren with a sack of oranges gives me more enjoyment than hearing about Paris Hilton. This bitch continuously gets mentioned all over the TV and news...for what exactly? Being a bratty whore. That's all she has ever done, and most likely, that's all she'll ever continue to do. It's come to the point where, if I start seeing or hearing about Paris Hilton, I'm going to have to shoot the source of this information. People holding newspapers with Hilton on the front cover; gunshot to the face. My TV runs a commercial with Paris Hilton eating a Whopper like it's her own ass; gunshot to the screen. A little chihuahua wearing pink strolling down the sidewalk; GUNSHOTS!



PLEASE, NO MORE.